No, it’s not; it sucks. Hey, I might be opinionated, but at least I am consistent. I have written in the past how manufactured ways for singles to meet is not ideal. Online dating objectifies people in order to simplify profiling. It forces us to put people into boxes, boxes that aren’t even important when looking for a good partner. We can only measure things such as height, income, and other variables that can be quantified. In the process, it leaves out the most important characteristics such as generosity, kindness, curiosity, sparkle in eyes, and humour, because these traits can’t be measured in cyberspace.
And, if you think you are too busy to date, so you use the internet as a ‘time saver’, a sample of users reported they spent an average of twelve hours a week browsing profiles and responding to messages, which resulted in a mere 1.8 hours of face to face interaction (Frost, 2008) That is time which could be spent reading, exercising, or catching up real people, in the real world.
Then there is the cry, ‘But my neighbour/best friend/uncle’s donkey met their partner online! So it must work!’ This, my friends, is purely down to sample size. If you have thousands (if not millions) of people Internet dating, there will be some people who find each other. Just like if you throw enough mud at the wall, some of it will stick. Not to say, my dear readers, that you are mud! Au contraire; you are fabulous, which is why I don’t want you to torture yourself by internet dating. Look, if you’re happy to go on 100 dates with complete strangers, please go ahead. Anything you put enough time and effort into, you will achieve. Just forget about ever having another bubble bath again, you won’t have time.
Still not convinced? Jeesh, you are a tough cookie. Q: Who are these people that you are meeting? A: They are complete strangers, linked to no one. You have no mutual connections, nor has anyone passed the V-4’ed test (Vouched for by someone you know). Because they are strangers, you do not have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Your ex-flatmate, Susan, is not there to tell you that ‘Jon is a really nice guy, but a bit shy at first’. It takes time to get to know someone (It took me a year and a half to get to know my husband! Then again, he is one of the ‘slow burning’ Englishman which I will write about in the next post, I promise!) And, since y’all are obsessed with using chemistry as the most important indicator as to whether a relationship will succeed (see what I’ve said about this in the past) it’s easy to immediately eliminate someone after the first meeting due to lack of chemistry.
Do activities you love, enjoy life, be open, come on my flirting and walking tours if you are London based; don’t be so focused on this. The right person will come when you are ready, not when you *think* you are ready. My new favourite quote is, ‘With the faith of a mustard seed, you can move mountains’ In my next post, I will be answering a reader’s question, ‘Why can’t men give up internet dating even though they want to be “exclusive” with you?’
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