Society is never stagnant. It is constantly moving and changing based on how peoples’ attitudes move and change. It’s quite amazing, really. If there is a gap to be filled as we ebb and flow, we find a solution. The way singles meet each other has had to change, and in this area, I think we still have some work to do; our current solutions are just not good enough.
In a way, the world has become smaller. There are now flights to almost any country in the world. The media has made it possible for us to get a glimpse into people in other countries’ lives, especially useful if you want to know about peoples’ lives in the world’s richest countries. (Note to self: Don’t be cynical, Jean. It’s really not sexy. ) But where the world has become bigger, is when it comes to the reliance on the best matchmakers, our families and friends. We move away from them as we change cities and countries, and most of use don’t have this luxury these days.
Without the assistance of these helpers, where does this leave our modern day singletons? Let’s look at the options for singles these days:
1) Online dating – bleurgh, no thanks. I know! Let’s create a system where we can only match people based on superficial traits, that fit in a tick box, like height, income, weight. And then we will deem, completely irrelevant, the most important aspects of a person, the ones that can only be determined in person, not boxes: kindness, generosity, chemistry, twinkle in eyes.
2) Introduction agencies – Whilst trying to mimic how people traditionally were matched, these people are not your mother or your neighbour; you’re lucky if they’ve spent 20 minutes with you. Nice try, but my pet llama could probably get you a better match rate.
3) Manufactured singles events – Option A: you are thrown into a room with other people who are single (Self-conscious much? Don’t worry, they don’t think you’re needy or desperate) Option B: Better yet, you are timed, by stopwatch, to talk to a person for 3 minutes. It’s ok, in this fast-paced, superficial world, 3 minutes is all you need anyway. (Yikes, there you go again, Jean. Not cool!)
I am sorry, but I get frustrated for all the singles out there. Listen up people, it is not you, it’s the system! I had a private client come to me last week because she just wanted to learn how to not feel anxious and stressed out about going to social events like the above. Like it wouldn’t be normal to feel anxious and stressed when attending these type of events. It’s a completely artificial and unnatural set up. You would have to be a robot to feel completely at ease in any of these situations.
So, where do you meet people? Hint: Not in manufactured situations and not in the hands of strangers! The key is to get out there; you are in charge of your destiny. And, you will have the most success by stacking the odds in your favour. How will you do that? I’ll tell you in my next post. I know, I’m such a tease.
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