How to be a Better Flirt

Yes, that’s right, it’s Wednesday, which means it’s Flirtology humpday! Why? Because Wednesdays are boring…

If you are one of those people who think they are not good at flirting because of circumstances from your past, you need to get over it. I say this with good intention because it is only holding you back. Not to mention, your perceived excuses, have little to do with reality.  Soz, it’s true. Read more in my earlier post.  I’ll let you in on a little secret. Hardly anyone is flirting with ease. It’s just your perception that everyone else can do it, but you can’t.  Don’t worry, they weren’t handing out flirting skills the day you called in sick. *Sighs with relief* So, now what?

Think back to when you started learning an instrument, or a language, or a new sport. Were you an expert straight away? Did you go though an awkward period where you weren’t very good? Of course you did. However, if you stuck with it, you gradually improved. The same is true for any of the social requirements of flirting; approaching, talking to strangers, small talk, exiting. The only difference is when it comes to matters of the heart, we don’t think of it as a skill that we can improve upon, we feel we should just know how to do it. And, when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s very hard to stay objective and logical about the process; emotions, egos, and vulnerability always seems to enter into the equation. The trick is not to let it.

Do you feel awkward smiling and asking the cute girl at the gallery a question? Of course you do, it’s because you aren’t used to doing it! Did you feel awkward asking your French teacher a question in French, when you just started learning? Again, of course you did, because you weren’t used to doing it. With practice, any skill can be improved upon. Malcolm Gladwell posits anyone can become an expert in anything after putting in 10,000 hours of practice. Wanna’ be an expert flirt? Better get cracking then!

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Step Out of Your Comfort Zone – the top tips

 

In my last post, I promised to give you some practical tips for stepping out of your comfort zone. Well, here they are.

 

1) Don’t listen to the voices inside your head.
Voices; we all have them, and they are usually are more nagging aunt Edna, than cool, hippie friend. So, just do what you would do when encountered with an egocentric windbag, tune it out. Again, counter intuitive, but don’t assume those voices in your head are right. Don’t listen!

2) Be logical
The first time I climbed up the ladder for my flying trapeze routine, I was nervous, even scared, and my body was slightly trembling. It didn’t get any better as I stood on the small, wooden platform, 32 feet high. However, my logical voice told my scared voice, that it was ‘normal’ to be scared, that I had never done it before, and the next time wouldn’t be as scary. My logical voice was right. It got easier every time. Don’t worry, I have no intention of joining the circus.

3) You’re not going to be good at something straight away
Often, what keeps us from trying, is the fear that we won’t be any good, or that we will make fools of ourselves. Would you expect to speak to be fluent in a new language straight away? Become a professional athlete after one game of tennis? Play the guitar well, after only a few lessons? What we tend to forget, is that being good at something takes time. It’s a process. Your first step out of your comfort zone will not make you a professional. That’s fine, just keep it up. As Malcolm Gladwell says, anyone can be an expert in anything if they put in 10,000 hours.

 

happy flare friday (Photo credit: keli|hoskins)

 
4) Take the step
The main thing that stops us from taking the step is the fear of the unknown. We don’t know what is outside that comfy bubble but, whatever it is, has the potential to make us look foolish. However, doesn’t it make sense that the more often we take that step, the less ‘unknowns’ there are? If you continue to do it, your comfort bubble becomes bigger, and what makes you uneasy becomes smaller. So, just close your eyes, don’t listen to the voices in your head, and take the leap. You’ll soon find that it’s not as scary as you had imagined.

Fabulous. You now know what it takes to step out of your comfort zone, so what? Did you know that stepping out of your comfort zones is one of the best ways to increase self-confidence? That’s right, find out how in my next post.

 

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