Debunking the Dating Myths: Women Should not ask out Men

Society creates, adapts, and discards, traditions and rituals, depending on how they help serve society at different times during its trajectory. As I alluded to in an earlier post, in the past, men traditionally asked out women because they had the money, and the cars, to do so. As the higher-earning gender, it was expected that with the choice of whom to ask out, they also had the privilege of paying for it. Society has moved away from that model. In my line of work I meet many, high-flying, executive women, who make bags of money and have bags of confidence. Why shouldn’t they ask a man out? The t&c’s of why this should be left to the men has changed. Whilst researching for my book, The Flirt Interpreter, I asked 100 men, in four different international, Western cities,  if they would like it if a woman approached them and/or  asked them out. The answer was a resounding ‘Yes’! The only caveat was as long it wasn’t done ‘too aggressively’. So, yes, ask away

Remember, we are not looking to attract everyone, just the select few who match with us. (Because no, I don’t believe there is just one person out there; a perfect soul mate) With the understanding that we are looking for quality or quantity, the logic is that if we act like ourselves, we will attract those who fit with us. If we are someone who likes to do the choosing, and we ask out a man who doesn’t like it, because *he* likes to be the one to choose, than it is not a good fit anyway. That’s it; that’s life; that’s how this thing works. And, it’s pretty damn helpful that is does. So, if you stop wanting to be wrapped in cotton wool all the god damn time and understand that this is just part of the procedure, than you will see it too.

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How do you Flirt with an Englishman?

In a dating world, which still clings tightly to tradition, the men of England get a bad rap. After all, if you are expected to take on the roles of approaching and asking, and you don’t, it’s no surprise if you have a lot of disgruntled females on your hands! I have written in the past about the benefits of taking the proactive role, whether you are male or female. Therefore, since I already posit that you shouldn’t sit back and wait for things to happen (in any area of life!) I don’t really see what the problem is. Because ladies, the men of England want you to have a much bigger part in this process. Is it because they are shy? Probably. Is it also because they believe in gender equality? Yes. In these instances, we are the ones putting everyone in boxes, and chaining them to gender-specific roles. Why are we still entertaining silly expectations linked to biology (to everyone’s great expense)?

In Paris, a woman’s only role in flirting is to look coy and demure.  She would be looked upon with suspicion if she were to take any active part in the flirting ritual. London plays by different rules. Instead of being frustrated when a cute, English boy looks at you shyly, but never actually comes up to you, take it as a sign for you to make a move! I have done the research; I spoke with a large sample size of these baffling specimens in face-to-face interviews. Trust me, they like it!

In my research into the flirting in the cities of London, Paris, N.Y. and Stockholm, the greatest disconnect that I found was this aspect in London flirting. The women don’t think that men like aggressive women, and the men say they want women to be more proactive when it comes to flirting. I think part of the problem is the word ‘aggressive’. No, they wouldn’t like it if you came up to them, full on sitting on their laps, ‘hey baby, do you like mamma’s shake?’ (Save that for the New Yorkers). However, there is a huuuuuuuge spectrum between you strolling over and saying, ‘Is it always this busy in here’?  or, by contrast, doing some of your best stripper moves against his chair. Starting a conversation with a man does not mean that you are a trollop, moreover, it is what they want you to do. Read another blog post here.

Still not convinced? Read an earlier blog about whomever does the choosing, will be happiest with the results. It is in everyone’s best interest, male or female, to be the proactive one.

In the next blog, I’ll discuss a question asked by one of my blog follower’s, asking why Englishmen are slow burners. Thanks, Ravish!

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